That refrain from the song has been running through my head this evening, however. I’ve come pretty close to tears a few times today because the last few days have been a huge emotional roller coaster.

There have been a lot of ups – my brother came to visit, Galen is eating well, and January was my highest income month, ever – by a pretty large margin. It’s super exciting to see my hard work paying off. It gives me a warm rush to think that all my studying and testing is really working.

But then there’s the inevitable downs, and wow, have there been a lot this week – and it has hardly gotten started.

Transferring my sole proprietership into an LLC has been very exciting, but it has also been a little trying. It’s confusing to figure out everything I need to do. And it’s a bit intimidating. I was able to get the bank accounts set up just fine, but applying for credit for the LLC has been challenging. Since my credit was absolutely ruined during my first marriage I am still trying to get back to the place I was before. It’s really aggravating that three years of never being late on the one credit card I was able to keep hasn’t seemed to make much difference in my credit score.

Basically what it means is that the LLC will be completely bootstrapping it for awhile. I’ve bootstrapped pretty much the entire way so I don’t really mind, but it’s hard not to let the “powers that be” of the credit world get demoralizing in their judgements.

Then I have a package coming that I’ve been waiting for. It was supposed to get delivered today, but it’s apparently lost somewhere since it didn’t get here. And the tracking on the package hasn’t been updated in about five days. So God only knows where that thing is.

Then, there’s Google. I love Google, actually. I like the Adsense program because it pays me well (lol). And I like Adwords, I like Gmail, I even like Google Wave. But apparently Google doesn’t quite like the LLC because I cannot get the LLC approved for an Adsense account. This causes issues because, well, the LLC is about to own Natural Birth and Baby Care – and Getting-Pregnant.com . Getting-Pregnant doesn’t serve Adsense yet, but Natural Birth and Baby Care certainly does. So now I need to figure out how to please Adsense – and their customer support is really unfriendly. There’s really no way I can get in contact with them to find out exactly what they think is wrong. I got a generic “your site is under construction” message and, well, this site is not exactly “under construction.” It’s pretty constructed!

On top of trying to find packages, dechiper Google, and get over the insults of credit denials, I’m way, way behind on writing. So I have tons of articles to write and post and get done. All while I’m trying to sort all of this stuff out.

Oh, and my brother went home. Which makes me sad because I don’t know when I’ll see him again.

But at least we had a visit. And Galen is eating well. And Scott is happy because his package did arrive today. And, well, I shattered my income goals for last month. That’s always cool.

But sometimes the bad things outweigh even the very good, so I found myself looking at my goal board and I found myself reading something over and over again. I can’t remember where this came from originally so forgive, but I’m going to type it out here. Because yeah, I may get knocked down – but I’ll get up again. Nothing will keep me down.

“If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win but think you can’t
It is almost certain you won’t.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.”

This battle is going to the gal who knows she can

My sites are doing well enough that I wanted to formalize my business a bit more.  Right now it’s pretty interesting figuring out how to get everything moved over to a business’ name, and applying for things for the business.  It really forces me to do and think about things in a more logical way.  That’s good, in the end I think.

It feels a little overwhelming now, but it’s a good learning experience and I suspect soon it won’t be so intimidating.

Even with the overwhelm, it’s really exciting.  It feels like a big accomplishment!

So I often find myself learning new things and teaching myself how to do things. I’ve developed a way to help myself learn things more quickly and thoroughly, and I thought I’d share with you.

I pick up new skills and knowledge through periods of intense focus. I actually got this idea from a male blogger. He takes the strategy to the extreme – spending time focusing on what he’s learning and ignoring everything else for whatever his period of time to learn is (days or weeks). It works well for him. That strategy just does not work for mothers. We have too much that needs to be done every day.

If you’re a work at home mom like I am, you have even more that needs to be done each day. But you can’t just dump parenting to take time to work on a project. You can’t forget that your children need three meals a day while you spend hours devoted to your sewing project. Your meals just won’t get planned and your grocery list won’t get made if you’re devoting weeks to a project and decide to chuck everything else. I think this strategy could work very well for a single person, or for someone who is not the primary caretaker of children and home. It could probably work if your children are in school during the day, too. But for me homeschooling my older children and caring for preschoolers the “pure focus on one project/area of study” just won’t work.

However, I’ve found a variation of it that’s very effective, even while you’re a busy mother and/or work-at-home mom.

My strategy is as follows: first decide what you want to focus on. Then devote your time to learning just about that focus. Where you may have read a novel or two, a book on gardening, a book on parenting, and a book on having a well behaved cat all in one month, you’ll now choose just one focus. I did this right after Christmas and through the first several weeks of January with our nutrition. I got a stack of books on nutrition I wanted to read. Then I devoted my free time to reading about nutrition or working in the kitchen to implement what I’d learned.

This may sound like a really simple concept but I’ve found it works tremendously well. Most of the focus of my free time to read was on nutrition. Since the books I was reading were similar in subject I found I could move through my reading more quickly. I could skim over bits that I was already familiar with from another book because the information was so fresh. I could quickly compare what I’d read in the different books. And I could try out many different things in the kitchen throughout the course of those few weeks, refining my time in the kitchen and my family’s good nutrition.

The strategy of focusing intensely on one subject of interest worked really well for me. I’m doing it again right now as I go through several books on parenting and family rhythm. Reading all the books one after the other is allowing me compare the ideas and thoughts each author presents. It’s helping me to look at our day-to-day life and my day-to-day outlook and figure out where to make changes to be more effective. It’s also allowing me to work out a plan for changes that I want to make in our daily routine and my parenting. I can work out my plan now and revise that as I work through all the books. Then I’ll be able to work through the plan and see how things go for us – rather than continuously changing things around as a read a new book on family issues here, and then another one there, and so forth.

As with the nutrition study, I feel like my mind is focused on what I’m reading now and I can quickly increase my knowledge and work through things in my own mind. It’s very nice. During my focus on parenting I’m also keeping a notebook of things I glean from each book – my hope is that when I’m done reading I’ll have my own “parenting book” full of the wisdom I gleaned during my time of focus.

I plan to use this approach throughout the rest of the year with each area that I decided to work on this year (mostly issues having to do with home management and family life, as is evidenced by nutrition and parenting in my examples!)

If I have novels I want to read I’m planning to do so between my times of focus. Scott says I don’t read enough novels or books just “for fun” but alas – I have a lot I want to teach myself and I really want to continuously improve my mothering and my household management. That just doesn’t leave much time for fiction!

I’ve also found that picking focuses that are highly relevant to my life currently helps me to spend more time working with what I’m learning. Since I’m in the kitchen at least five times a day anyways, experimenting with what I learned during the nutrition study was pretty easy to do. And parenting and family life issues… well I get the chance to work on that every day – day in and day out (isn’t one of the joys of mothering that no matter how bad you mess up one day, there’s still the next day, and the next day, and the next day to try again)!

If you’d like to read the article that inspired this one, it’s Steve Pavlina’s article on rapid improvement – I think it’s a good article. I do, however, disagree with a lot of what Steve Pavlina writes and I want to say that I’m not endorsing him in any way, shape, or form. I do find some of his articles to be thought provoking, this being one of them. And I’m sure he’ll appreciate the link. :p

Despite first trying to convince myself that I don’t actually need sleep, I realized that I needed to acknowledge that this is just a really tiring time in my life. I know I’m not alone in any way, and that you and many other moms are dealing with the same problem (though the causes are varied.) A lot of us are just plain exhausted.

How do You Function?

That is an essential question for an exhausted mother. You ask yourself “how am I supposed to function on so little sleep?” At one point in my life I could go to bed at 3am and be up again at 7am with seemingly no ill effects…but long gone are those late nights as a theatre techie… For some reason dealing with all the issues that crop up as a mother are much, much harder without sleep.

It’s important to come at life with a plan when you’re so tired – and it’s also good to know just when you should chuck the plan. In this article I’m going to focus on some strategies to help you while you’re sleep-deprived. I won’t focus on how to help you get more sleep because in many situations that’s just not going to happen. You have to make your way through a tired season of life.

One tip I will give, if you’re up with a baby often, is to sleep as much as possible when your baby sleeps. As a mother of four, my days of this luxury are long, long gone ;p

In most instances having a simple schedule will help you greatly. In addition, a well-organized kitchen and meal strategies can help greatly. Streamlining your cleaning can be helpful. And know when to forget all of the above. Detail on all of this below. I’ll also cover outside commitments, and how some grounding and centering time for yourself can be helpful.

A Simple Schedule

I’ve covered scheduling pretty extensively in previous articles on managing motherhood. I really believe that having a regular daily routine can help you a lot. For bigger families like mine, a more organized and detailed schedule can be helpful. If you just have a baby or only very young children a guiding routine can be sufficient.

The reason having a scheduled day helps when you’re absolutely exhausted is you don’t have to think. Relieving yourself of the burden of decision making is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself in a time of little sleep. Decision making can seem overwhelming and requires energy you would rather put elsewhere.

A set schedule or routine allows you to know exactly what is coming. You know when you get up you make breakfast, then you wash dishes, then you and the little ones take a walk. You have some outside play then come in for a snack. Then some stories and playtime and it’s time for lunch. After lunch a short time outside is followed by a nap. And so forth.

You know what is going on when, you don’t have to decide what to do when. It can be really beneficial when you’re tired. It’s also good during times of grief when life seems tough (such as when you lose a loved one). A set schedule helps you “go through the motions” so to speak, to keep everyone cared for even while it’s harder for you to plan.

This also helps you ensure that you are able to spend time with your children doing the things important to you – such as reading to them daily. Sometimes in the stress and tiredness of life these things get forgotten. Then another common mothering issue – guilt – surfaces. By having a storytime, or tea party time, or vehicle play time, set into your daily routine you assure you’re able to be there for your little ones.

Kitchen

Ah the kitchen – every mother’s favorite. You need to feed your family, but the last thing you want is to be stuck in the kitchen when you can hardly keep your eyes open. This is a big issue for me too; I feel so tired and it takes a lot satisfy my family.

Simplify Breakfast and Lunch

I’ve learned some tricks that will help you, however. First, pick a breakfast and stick with it. Oatmeal is a good nourishing breakfast. We have oatmeal and scrambled eggs most mornings. Another breakfast idea is sourdough toast and peanut butter. This breakfast can be served on paper towels for easy clean-up (or on coffee filters – an idea I learned volunteering in a special needs preschool.)

I recommend a similar strategy for lunch – pick a lunch for each day of the week and use that every week. For instance, bean and cheese burritos every Monday. Tuna salad every Tuesday. Chicken and rice soup every Wednesday. Or if your family is small enough to have sufficient leftovers you could plan to have leftovers from supper most days.

These strategies again eliminate the need for decision making and the benefits are the same as I described for scheduling. You help to relieve yourself of stress and uncertainty. It also simplifies the grocery list and helps you know what to stock up on during sales.

Supper Strategies

For supper you can do something similar – have the same meal every night of the week. Perhaps plan different meals on the weekends. Or repeat one menu for four weeks – I did this while I was a single mother and after we made an inter-state move. I planned on week’s grocery menu and then repeated that for four weeks.

A variation of this is to plan certain types of meals for certain nights of the week – Monday is always Mexican food. Tuesday is always some sort of roast. Friday is always homemade pizza night, etc. Then your recipes are varied but ingredients are similar and a “theme” helps you narrow down the food choices.

A crock pot is a great addition to the above ideas, and even more important if you don’t want to repeat meals. Crockpot meals can be virtually effortless and let you put the ingredients in then forgot about supper. You can toss together a quick salad just before it’s time to eat (or open a bagged salad if it will save your sanity) and you have a delicious meal ready to go.

Other easy choices are quick-to-put together casseroles and “one skillet meals.” Try and choose healthy basic meals over processed food – you and the kids will feel better for it. But processed food every once in awhile isn’t going to hurt. Jarred spaghetti sauce and ground meat, canned beans added to rice, and taco kits with ground meat are some quick choices that are healthier than other processed foods.

If you have a recipe you can easily double go ahead and do that, then freeze the doubled (or tripled) portion. This gives you a good, home-cooked meal on a day that you have absolutely no energy to cook.

Cleaning

Ok. So far as cleaning goes I believe in letting it go when you really need to. Cleaning should be the first thing you drop if you’re feeling exhausted. In fact, if life is incredibly overwhelming I’ll be the first to tell you go buy some paper plates and plastic utensils – it doesn’t matter how un-natural it is. Sometimes your sanity is worth it.

But, if you’re like me a clean home is a home that makes you feel better. Here are some strategies that can help:

First, clean as you go. If you’ve just emptied a pot or pan in the kitchen, wash it right away. Running a bit of warm water and soap in your sink as you get your meal started can help with this. Throw packaging and food waste away (or put it in the compost bucket) as soon as you generate it. If you spill something on the floor take a moment to wipe it right down.

You can also look for quick cleaning opportunities. This is a habit I’m trying to develop in my own life. Keep a bottle of natural spray cleaner (or your own home made bottle) in a cabinet in the bathroom. When you take a bathroom break take a moment to spray the counter and wipe it down quickly. The next time you come in do the same with the toilet seat and rim. Quickly sweep the kitchen or bathroom floor just before you leave the room.

These quick cleaning sessions will help you keep on top of things, and keep that little sparkle and shine in your home – which helps you feel better.

One of my favorite tips for handling kid clutter is to have a “clean up basket.” I prefer to have my kids put their toys away into separate baskets/tins/bags for the toy. For instance all our blocks go into one basket. Cassidy’s horse toys go in another. The boy’s toy vehicles go in another. But this can seem overwhelming when there are toys all over the house.

This is when you grab a sturdy basket and walk through the house, picking up all the toys. Then you and the children sit down and sort them into their appropriate place from the basket.

Teach them to help

Speaking of children, I recommend you begin to include your children around the house early on. Even a small child can be given his or her own cloth to wipe a counter after you. If you sing a “clean up song” as you work at putting things away it will help your small child to enjoy the activity. If put a few blocks into his basket, then hand your young child a block, he will naturally imitate you and put his block away! Take advantage of your young child’s natural drive to imitate, and his enthusiasm, to help you

My favorite cleaning routine (outside of day-to-day things that I try and do as soon as is needed) is taking a morning to clean. I use Friday mornings to first take care of our family’s finances and then to clean – I clean the bathroom, the bathroom and kitchen floors, vacuum, and do an overall straighten of the house. Other mothers prefer to do one of these areas each day throughout the week.

Another thing that may work for you is to do your cleaning while your partner is home. Each of you can take a couple of areas of the cleaning to manage, then take a nap and enjoy the afternoon in your clean home.

Chucking All of That

I’ve given you some good tips above. Having a set routine, simplifying and advance meal prep, and bite-sized cleaning tips can all help make life go more smoothly for you. These things also tend to help keep the children content.

However, there are going to be some days when you are too exhausted to manage. You may have been up every night with the baby. You may be early in pregnancy. For whatever reason life may just be overwhelming.

There are times when you should just chuck everything. If you feel like you need to just let things go I recommend you plant yourself on the couch or in the bed with a bunch of storybooks and just read to your children. Crayons and paper can also help. Or if the weather is nice take your child to the park (or back yard) and just sit and watch while they run and play.

Always keep your children with you if you’re tired. If you are resting on the couch, have them with you in the room. Don’t let them be in another room where they could get into something. If they are in the room with you, you can keep a sleepy eye on them.

If you absolutely need a break this is a good time to call eager and energetic aunts, uncles, godparents or others who will be happy to chase your young children around. Grandparents are also a good option

When You Get Sick

Sometimes when you’re “running on empty” you end up getting sick. This is a lot more likely if you have older children – but it can happen even if you’re just tending the baby.

If you get sick go ahead and follow the suggestions above. There are also some other things you can do.

If you need to sleep and you have young children you may want to create a baby-proofed space in their bedroom. Put up a baby gate, have some toys, and you lie down and rest as much as possible while they play.

Running a shallow bath and putting them in to play while you sit and relax in a chair in the bathroom is a good option for a few minutes of not having to chase children around as well.

Again, as I said above, keep your children in the same room with you. You will immediately see if they do something they shouldn’t. You don’t have to worry about them getting into something in another room. If there are sibling fights or bad attitudes you will have seen what happened and be able to address it immediately.

Outside Commitments

I am a firm believer in staying close to the home with children. One playgroup a week, if that, is sufficient for a small child. You can your children need to have a living, breathing rhythm at home. Modern culture may tell you that you need to have your little ones involved in sports, art classes, dance, preschool, and various other extracurricular activities but the reality is your little ones will become bright, inquisitive children just by being home and helping you with daily life. A trip to the grocery store where they are involved is a thrilling learning experience.

Say “no” to many outside commitments. Pick one playgroup with mothers you enjoy and playmates your child enjoys. Spend the rest of your days in a comforting routine at home. Don’t drag your child all over town on errands if you can help it (I know sometimes you just can’t). A trip to the market once a week and a playgroup can become beloved parts of a child’s routine – things they look forward to. But otherwise young children are content to be home helping you (unless they have been taught to expect constant entertainment. If that is the case I humbly recommend you change your expectations and help them change theirs!)

You will feel better if you are not “go, go, go” each and every day. I constantly evaluate what we do. In our city there are lots of playgroups, classes, and lessons I could take the children to each and every week. There’s a lot that I want to do. I find myself saying “no” to a lot of it, however. I get stressed and the children get stressed when we’re always “out and about.” I try and pick the opportunity that best fits me and the children, and stick with that.

It’s hard to say “no” and it’s hard to put aside things we want to do (go to the bookstore or mall) but there are times when it’s best for our children that we do just that. If you’d like to go out it may make sense to wait until your spouse or a relative/friend can watch your children and you can browse the bookstore in peace

Spiritual

I don’t want to leave this off because I think it’s important. Beliefs are varied and different and those that you and I hold may be different. Ok. Political correctness aside, keeping yourself grounded from a spiritual perspective can really help.

My own beliefs help me get through the roughest days. Even when everything feels like it’s going wrong and I feel like I’m getting absolutely nothing done, I know that I can remain calm and work through the issues. I have this peace because of the grounding my beliefs give me. And if I absolutely blow it (which I do sometimes, being human) my beliefs also allow me to bring myself to apologize and move on.

The time I take to read and study, even if it’s just minutes here or there, also help me greatly. They allow me to live past my own emotions and be the mother I want to be – not ruled by frustration and anger, which are very burdensome emotions to struggle with as a mother. It’s far better to have freedom from those and taking the time to grow in my own faith gives me that.

I encourage you to examine your own beliefs and find the strength you can in taking that time for you – and pray if it helps. As mothers it’s oftentimes the only thing we can do

Realize that letting go of your emotions is often better than being chained to them. Let go of frustration and anger – and self-pity. They don’t control you

In summary

This has been a really long article! I considered breaking it down and decided against that. I may in time elaborate on the various sections. But a comprehensive picture on how to function while you’re worn out is helpful. Take what helps you in this article – it’s written from a lot of personal experience.

Last of all, remember that even though this time in your life is tiring, enjoy it. You will only have children for a set period of time, and then there will be more full nights of sleep, mornings to sleep in, and hours to sit reading or daydreaming. Once that time comes, you’ll probably spend your hours daydreaming about those sweet days when your children were little. So do enjoy them while they’re here, even though life is very tiring right now!

A lot.

This law says that heat doesn’t go from a colder body to a warmer body – it can only flow in one direction, and that natural process is irreversible. The rest of the law states that all natural things move toward increasing entropy. What does that mean? It means that according to the law all ordered things move towards disorder and dispersement naturally.

What does this have to do with you? A lot. Because it’s true. You go and clean the house every day. And every day it naturally gets messy again. You clean the kitchen and 8 hours later it’s in chaos. You scrub the kid and 20 minutes later you’d mistake him for mud puddle. Everything in our lives as mothers moves from order to disorder.

The only thing that changes the natural law is for you to step in and intervene. And oh the interventions you must make. In fact, there are many days when I want to look at my kitchen, or our hectic schedule, and give up. Let chaos reign while I put my feet up! Those are the days I’m particularly glad I have a dishwasher to help at least somewhat.

But the real way to deal with the irreversible nature of your household is to implement and oversee a plan. Humans are intelligent and many, many great women before me have realized this. Go to your library and you’ll find any number of books on organizing, ordering, and tackling your life (there are some books by men that will help you a lot too, they just tend to write on personal and professional effectiveness, not household management). Check out the rest of this site for other ideas.

But a big thing is to realize that things can and will get overwhelming at times. And those are times that you need to find and implement a plan. Intelligently tackle the problem.

I think (as you’re well aware ) that organizing your home is a great first step (setting up a schedule is another good place to start). But as I’ve moved through organizing rooms in the house I’ve realized it’s just that – a first step. I need a plan or it’s going to go back to the same disorganized state really, really quickly.

So you identify the issue – for me it’s that everyone (including myself) is going to leave “stuff” lying all around everywhere until it all builds back up again. So what’s my solution? First I’m training myself to put things away when I’m done with them. My mother really should have taken more time to hammer this into me as a kiddo because it’s a harder habit to develop now :p But I’ve been working with the kids on it. I’ve at least gotten more regular about having them straighten up.

Another strategy is to have an “inbox area” where paperwork and the like goes until I can go through it. This is done regularly (every Friday for me, when I update our family’s ledger and track bill paying and such). I’ll write more about managing this area in another post.

And yet another aspect has been identifying a place for things that makes sense as I organize. I.E. I need to store things near where they’re used – so I can get to them and put them away easily.

Diligence is of course an important component too. I have to keep at it. It’s a continual thing. My house is always going to move towards chaos and if I don’t keep on top of it relatively well it’s going to overrun me again.

After awhile plans like these can get turned into habits – as you train yourself (and also teach your children so they don’t have to battle to create the habit in their adult life).

Of course some things, like those muddy kids, are going to go to chaos before you get a chance to blink, regardless of your well-laid plans. In that case just plop them in the tub and rest assured that the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics is alive and well in your world today :p

I wish that I could say that I’ve come to a place in my mothering where I’m not effected by feelings of failure but I can’t. In fact, right now I’m dealing with a major one. Feeling like I had a moment of weakness, stress, and frustration. And in that moment I made a choice, which I now think was an idiotic choice. And I’m going to have pay the price for years and years. And it hurts. Especially because it’s something I feel so strongly over, and it involves my children – the ones I’m supposed to be able to protect.

I should be doing another write up on the Pink Kit, because Scott and I worked through another video section the night before last. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it yesterday, and I don’t want to right now. Everything at the forefront of my mind is getting in the way. Fears, feelings of failure, mounting feelings of frustration.

It’s times like this that I find lists helpful. Specific lists of what I need to do to relieve the frustration – usually that is somewhat straightforward. Identify what is frustrating you (a disgusting bathroom, an unfinished project, whining children, etc.), and then identify a solution. Even if it involves several steps, writing them down and beginning to act upon them can ease the frustration.

But feelings of failure are much harder to tackle. They often bring frustration too, because you feel like you can’t deal with the results of your perceived failure. Notice I said “perceived” – you may not have actually failed as you feel you did. But if you feel it, it can be hard to overcome it. No matter what well-meaning friends say to comfort you.

Often this feeling can paralyze you – which is one thing you shouldn’t let it do. And I’m trying not to. Again a list (or a schedule) is helpful, because even as you are feeling bad you can lean on the list or schedule and let it tell you what needs to be done. Even things as simple as eating can get to feel overwhelming so it’s good to rely on routine.

Don’t let your feelings immobilize you and prevent you from living your life and taking care of yourself (and your family). As you lean on simple to-do lists and daily routines you can begin to work through your feelings. Sometimes talking it through with someone does help. You realize that your feelings were unfounded, or the issue is something you can now overcome.

Other times it just takes time to come to peace and acceptance and pick up and start from where you are – not lament the choices you made in the past. All mothers have feelings of failure and guilt at some point.

As for me, I’m not sure how close I can be to peace about this issue, no matter how much I’m able to lie to other people about being ok with it. It’s just something I need to work through and at this point I think it’s going to take a lot of time. I’m grateful for routines that can carry me through the day, and simple things like reading books with them that make my children happy – so I can keep everyone taken care of even while I figure out the hurt inside.

Well, to an extent I think they can. I also think they can be pointless.

They’re pointless when they’re not focused on your goals. And they’re pointless when they’re not helping you achieve your goals and manage your household.

When you need a to-do list

There are times when lists are going to help you. You probably need a daily to-do list for household management. I don’t mean things like “cook breakfast” – these things should be on your schedule so you get used to them. Form “habits” so to speak. But sometimes something like this may need to be on your to-do list for a few days. I need to put “drink my pregnancy tea” on my list because it hasn’t become a habit yet. By next week I probably won’t need the reminder. Another thing is the supper dishes. My hubby was in charge of those and I am taking over for him. But it’s not habit so I need it on my list right now.

However routine tasks should become just that – part of your routine. Follow the schedule that you’ve developed and “tweaked” for your family to take care of those things.

You daily to-do list is a place for things like “get the oil changed in the van” “call for insurance quotes” “go buy eggs on sale at YumYum Grocery” – tasks that you need to accomplish to manage your household, but don’t occur every day.

Planning and following through

I’ve found it helpful to take one evening on the weekend and think of the things I’ll need to do in the coming week. Then I plan out when during the week is the best time for them. I have a time each day I handle phone calls and things and that’s when I’ll insert “call plumber to schedule work on bathtub” into my schedule. Of course some things are urgent and you need to put them in right away. But do try and consider how “urgent” something actually is.

My preferred night to do this is Saturday. I run errands on Saturday and we generally do our family running around on Saturday. So I like to use Saturday night and then devote Sunday to resting, relaxing, enjoying the family, and telling stories to the kiddos. You may find Sunday night works better for you to focus you for the coming week. I just like having at least one day somewhat “off the job”

I also have a daily to-do list for my website related tasks. I have some things that are routine, like weekly site information checks. But other things I need to put on the list. If you work from home an organized to-do list will help you.

Try to actually *do* what is on your list. If you consistently find there are things not done you either A. Need to plan less on a given day. Or B. figure out why you’re not following through. For me the things I haven’t done almost always involve phone calls because I don’t like making them. It’s something to work on. If you notice similar weaknesses you can start creating targeted goals to help you remove those weaknesses. (note to self: set some goals about confidence in making phone calls :p)

Other helpful lists

Now for other lists. These are actually my favorite kind of lists. They really help me. I have “big” to-do lists which often get translated into goals. These are things like my appropriately named “Baby List.” This list is full of things I want to get done/get made/get purchased before our new baby is born (I know, you figured that out already :p)

It’s helpful for me to have this list because I can put something on the list and get it out of my head. I don’t keep thinking “I need to read this book before the baby comes” randomly throughout the day. Have you noticed that continuing to think about needing to do something but not being able to take action on it will drive you crazy? Getting it onto a list can free you to let go of the thought – and to constructively plan when you’ll be able to act on it. You can look over these lists on a weekly basis when you do the rest of your planning.

I like to take lists of these kinds and either form concrete goals out of them or translate items onto my to-do lists. One of my “baby list” items is, of course, having the house organized. I formed a concrete goal out of this list item. Another of my goals to read a certain book to help myself prepare for labor. I’ve put this on my “to-do list” for next week (in general I list the 1-2 books I’d like to get through that week on my to-do list).

Lists for supply gathering/action planning

There are other times lists are helpful. If you are taking a trip or moving you need to make lists. List out everything you’ll need for your trip. If you’re moving go check a book out from the library – they’re full of lists you’ll need for moving and they’ll really help. Start all these types of lists well in advance.

Then as the “listed event” gets closer, start to gather your supplies and things. Strategically plan how to attack some things on the list (like if you’re going to cook travel food for your trip. You need to plan a day to do this!).

I made a pretty flawless 2000 mile round-trip last summer alone with three children. And it went incredibly well. I think the biggest thing helping me was my getting-ready list and how I translated that into practical goals and concrete steps to get ready.

Cooking can fall into this type of list too, especially if you’re planning a holiday spread or cooking for a birthday party or your freezer. Plan out your recipes and your ingredients. Then use your lists to make a plan of action for working through your big cooking project.

Organizing your lists

Right now I really strongly favor a paper planner for managing my daily to-do lists for the household and for this website. I like being able to write out my goals for the week on the page ahead of the week, and then being able to chart out my tasks in the week pages. I use a weekly format that has a block for each day of the week, but no times listed. I like it a little more open like that since I already have my day scheduled out.

You may find a digital solution works better for you but I’ve really found paper is great. I can jot down phone numbers, confirmation numbers, etc, when I’m talking to service people. I often list each day’s lunch and dinner recipe above the daily block so I can see right away what I’ll be cooking. I have menu planning sheets in my planner and I like those too. So for me paper helps manage the “to-do” lists.

Now for the other lists like my “Baby List” I seem to find myself on the computer. Right now they’re mostly in my little “virtual sticky note” program, which I love and has tons of uses. But I’m still looking for a slightly more organized solution. I have a software in mind but I want to review it fully.

Ok, that’s a lot about lists! Like I said, my paper planner is my #1 to-do list helper. I’m still exploring other software and options to help on the computer. I’ll update more in a couple of weeks when I’ve had time to try some applications for “mom friendliness” and for their ability to actually help you get things done!

Today I’m going to take a bit of a different track and talk about your overall vision for what you want in your life (and in the lives of your children). But I felt it was important to start with the practical. This is for a couple of reasons: first, I gave a solid step-by-step framework that makes logical sense. You can follow it. Secondly, you are a mortal being with a mortal body (though many of us moms think we have to be superwomen). But point is, no matter what other beliefs you hold the first way you’re going to relate to your world is through your body. Your body takes the action that achieves your goals. You are going to go ahead and do something no matter how challenging that is.

An Overall Dream

Ok. That said, I do think it’s important to have an overall idea of what you want. Your goals helped you start to grasp just what you want. They give you a very concrete way to define what you want and begin working on getting it. Your “vision” or “dream” encompasses what you want your goal setting to lead to. It’s important to know what end you’re working to. This is where you can get a little more open-ended.

One of my dreams is to have a peaceful, clean home. I want it to be welcoming to me and I want to enjoy being in it. I want to enjoy cooking in my kitchen. And I want my husband to come home at night to a house that’s clean and looks nice – and provides him with a place to relax after working hard. I want my children to have a good example of a clean and well-functioning household. I want my home to be a place they’re happy to bring their friends to and a place their friends enjoy being.

That’s a lot to define out and if I look at it just like that, it’s overwhelming. How do I take my cluttered house and small kitchen and create that haven of peace and relaxation??? That’s where the concrete goals come in. Sometimes you can achieve a goal without having a bigger end-result in mind. I could probably say I want to organize my house just “because” and get it done. But it helps a lot to know I’m working towards that clean house my family will enjoy, and that will do good for all of my family’s state of mind.

Gaining Definition as a Mother

Mulling over your dreams and vision is important to your mothering as well. Parenting can be very hard work. When you’re up to your ears in dirty diapers, screaming toddlers, morning sickness, and sulky school children it can be very, very hard to figure out why you’re even bothering with all of this. And if you want to change it (so you don’t have screaming toddlers and sulky school children) it can be very hard to see any sort of place to start. So you need to sit back and develop a vision for yourself as a mother and for your children. Dream for them.

If you don’t really get a break from your children – and believe me, I know how this is – you need to steal some time. Put the kids behind a baby gate and go get in the shower. Go for a drive with them all strapped in their car seats. Call grandma for a couple of hours. Put a table full of so much food in front of them it will be 30 minutes before they stop to take a breath. Do something so you can sit back and think. And think about where you are at now. Think about where you want to be. Don’t be specific and goal-oriented right now. Dream. Think about how you envision yourself as a mother. Think about how you’d like your children to be.

When I say that, don’t think about how you want them to be personality-wise. No matter what I do, I’m never going to change my social chatterbox into a reserved, quiet child. It’s not going to happen. But you can dream about how you’d like your days with them to go. About how you’d like them to behave on outings. I’m pretty sure you’re going to want to have mostly peaceful days of being with them. So go ahead and dream about that. Think about the kind of people you want them to be. This is really helpful. Do you want your children to grow up to be good people? Young men and women who have strong values, are willing to work hard and help others? Do you imagine them growing to be smart and cheerful? I do.

I also picture my daughter growing to be a happy and fulfilled mother. I picture my sons growing to be dedicated fathers who are willing to work hard for their families. These are things I desire very deeply. They’re a vision I have for my children.

Now take that dream – the dream of what you’d like your children to become, and look at yourself. Measure yourself against that dream. It’s very revealing isn’t it?! I want my daughter to grow to be a happy mother. But there have been times when she’s seen me be a pretty exhausted, frustrated, and burnt-out mother. I want my children to be hard workers, but there are times I complain about household chores (then fuss at them when they do the same about theirs!) Your vision for your children can help you define your vision for yourself. The kind of person you’d like to be.

Making the Vision Reality

Of course there are some things you can’t control. You can’t control (completely) the influence of others in their life. But you can control you. You can dream for them and for yourself, and you can take action. So sit down and figure out what you’d like for yourself, your home, your children. Put that vision in your head.

I’ll give you one more example from my own life:

I picture the time after my new baby is born to be a wonderful time. A time when the baby is content and curled up with me or Scott. Where I have a week or so to relax completely and be with my baby, and a couple weeks after that when I really don’t have to do very much. I imagine that there are good meals to help me recover and nourish the babe, and to keep the rest of the family content. I picture my house staying pretty neat and clean. There are lots of things to engage the older children during this time when their normal schedule is somewhat disrupted. Overall, it is a happy and peaceful time.

Big vision. A lovely one, too, in my not so humble opinion It’s a “vision that motivates.” It’s important to have dreams and vision like this as you are mothering. Dream up some of your own to help you through those tough times. And use them to build your goals. Remember that you are a mortal, physical being, and you relate to the world through your mortal and physical body. You can dream dreams and develop visions. They’ll help you. They’ll motivate you and give you focus. But do remember they’re a starting point. To make my postpartum dream come true I need to take that dream and create some goals (like organizing my house!), and then I need to work on those. Then I’ll see that dream manifest. And it will be a very, very, nice one.

You can do the same thing with your dreams. You can take them and create goals. You can break down your goals into steps, put them into your schedule and work on them. And you’ll see that vision realized, and that dream will happen.

But regardless of all of that, goals are still good for you. As a mother it is very, very easy to get caught up in life and watch it pass you right by. You need goals. Another way to put this is you need vision, though that could get a little broader than goals.

I know there are things you want in your life. There are things you want to achieve in all aspects of it. You probably think about these things a lot. Or you know that you want something you’re just not sure what.

Setting out your goals is going to help you figure out just what you want and how you should do it.

It’s not a promise that you’ll achieve those goals – that takes additional work on top of setting them out. But you’ll have a clear idea of what you’d like to accomplish.
Start with a Solid Time and a Solid Idea

Pick a time frame. You could pick a year. I like to think of things I want to achieve and then decide what I feel is possible for me to work on and achieve soon. I normally pick 3 months. Sometimes I set out goals for the next month. Pick what works for you.

Now set out some concrete goals. When I say “concrete” I mean when you ask yourself “have I completed X goal” you’ll be able to answer either “yes, I have” or “no, I haven’t.” If you say “umm, maybe” that’s not good. It’s either yes or no. Don’t say “I’d like to plan meals efficiently.” Do say “I’d like to make a meal plan each week with 6 lunches and 6 dinners.” Do you see the difference?

Ok! So now set out some goals. I’ll use two of my goals as an example:

I want to have my house organized by the time I’m 36 weeks along with this baby.

and

I want to implement a new layout for Natural Birth and Baby Care, including the blog, by July 5th 2008.

You probably don’t want to be exhaustive and cover every aspect of your life. Think of the things that are most pressing (or aggravating) for you right now. I really want to have a well-organized and less cluttered house by the time the baby is born. And I really want the layouts for the main site and the blog to match! In addition, accomplishing these things will give me a sense of accomplishment and they’ll bring me peace.

It might help to define one goal in each area of life right now (in your mothering, housekeeping, being a wife, etc.)

Moving along. Now that you have a few goals set out it’s time to figure out how to accomplish them. It’s most helpful to take a “big” goal and break it down into steps. I’ll use my home organizing goal as an example:
Example: Organize my house by 36 weeks along

Establish a “catch-all” space for misplaced items

Sort all cabinets and drawers in the kitchen

* Go one cabinet/drawer/counter at a time
* Give away things we don’t need
* Throw away broken items or items missing irreplaceable parts
* Move things that do not belong in the kitchen out of the kitchen (take to catch-all)
* Put items back into drawers and cabinets according to where I use them
* Evaluate the need for storage shelves/boxes/etc. after cleaning space and seeing what we have

Move through each room in a similar fashion

Sort children’s toys

* Ask children what they don’t play with
* Help children collect and deliver unneeded toys to charity

Make a list as I go of things I need Scott’s help for

Request his help for a couple of items each weekend

Figure out where to fit a freezer in our house

* Take measurements
* Learn freezer sizes and what would probably be practical for our family
* Decide location and size and compare freezer brands/prices

Figure out what furniture needs to be moved (china cabinet!!)

Clean “catch-all” room after all other rooms are finished

Etc.

Ok so you can see how I took the “overall” goal and I broke it down? I thought about the steps that it would take for me to accomplish my goal. Then I wrote out those steps. Some of them I broke down further. I used the kitchen as my example of a room to clean, then I further broke down how I’ll go about getting the kitchen clean.

As I actually work on this goal I’ll look at the sheet with my goal and my steps and I’ll decide some steps to take each week until I hit 36 weeks in this pregnancy. Then I’ll be able to look at my goal and my house and ask myself “did I get my house organized by 36 weeks?”
Rewards

Some people like to have a very tangible reward. For me the satisfaction of having a clean and organized home will be a huge reward. But a goal that will take awhile like that can end up getting discouraging because you work only little by little. In that case a reward can be good.

My house has a downstairs and an upstairs. I could say that once I’m done with all my downstairs rooms, I’ll ask Scott to watch the kids and treat myself to a couple of hours in the bookstore and a new book. You could pick something that would be rewarding to you.

I could say that when I get the job done completely I will get new window dressings and a couple of new accent pieces for one of my rooms. This would enhance the work I’ve already done.

Another way to “reward” yourself is to structure your goal so you enjoy the progress. I actually put my kitchen as the example because it’s frustrating to me how cluttered it is with things I don’t use or only use every once ina great while. It will be very rewarding to me to have it cleaned up since I am in there cooking three times a day most days of the week.

Next I might choose to clean our office since Scott and I spend much of our evening in the office after the kids are in bed. Hopefully that makes sense. Some goals it’s harder to give yourself this kind of “as you go along reward.” With my goal for this website I won’t really get “rewarded” until you see the finished product up there functioning
A Note about Research

Yep, you’re going to have goals that require some research. I decided to research a little on good organizing techniques before I started my goal of organizing the house by my last month of pregnancy.

But it’s easy to get stuck on this. Really easy. I could have gone to the library and checked out every book on organizational technique…and I’d still be reading. Instead I browsed the books the library had to offer and picked one that sounded logical to me. I read that one and I’m going with that system.

Sometimes you might need to research before you can set your goal out. “I want to be a better mother” is not a good goal, for the reasons I outlined above. But that might be your goal! So go to the library and find books on parenting or mothering. Skim those and find one that seems to sound right to you. Then go home and read it and pick something in it to work on. Perhaps upon reading it you decide you’re not devoting enough attention to the children. So you set your goal as “I will read a storybook or two to the kids each morning and each afternoon.” Or “I will include one of the children in my supper preparations each night – so I get some “alone time” or “talk time” with each child at least every few days.”

So do the research you need to, but don’t get bogged down in it. You may find yourself researching things to death! And that’s counter-productive. There’s some “ready” in “ready, aim, fire!” – but the “fire” is most important (and you’re “aiming” right now, by setting your goals – don’t get hung up here either!)
Fitting it In

Ok, so where do you fit these goals in? Hopefully you haven’t made too many for yourself. Start slow and identify what is most important to you. But you will probably need some time to work on this stuff!

This is where that nitty gritty, practical little thing called a schedule comes in handy. Remember when I wrote a long diatribe on scheduling the other day? Well this is where you’re going to need it. Look at those goals, look at that schedule, and figure out where to fit the goals in.

If you’ve got a goal like mine, organizing the house, I recommend you do it in small chunks. 30 minutes a day. Maybe an hour at most. This is because a big project will tend to burn you out if you try and tackle too much of it at once. If you do it bit by bit you’ll see progress faster than you could have imagined. Just be consistent.

Ongoing goals (like taking a reading time with your kids) will need a regular time in the schedule indefinitely. Some goals (like including a child in meal preparation) just fit into a time slot you already have scheduled.

You may look at your schedule and realize you don’t have as much time to work on a goal as you’d like. That’s ok. Don’t give up. Work on what you can when you can. I have to get this website ready for the redesign in small, regular chunks of time during the week because I don’t have big blocks to devote to it. But I made out a clear list of what needed to get done leading up to the “big project” and I’m seeing things on that list get done, slowly and surely. It’s not what I’d like, which is to sit down and get it all done now, but the point is it’s getting done and I’m seeing progress.
Get to It and Stick to It

You’ve set the goal, outlined it, fit it into your time frame, and found a place in your schedule to work on it. Now get to your goals. Go at them. Even if it’s something hard to do (cleaning the bathroom every Saturday!) go right ahead and do it. You’ll be relieved once it’s done and you’ll look back and realize it didn’t really take too much effort. Even if you have a monumental task like organizing my house once it’s done a couple of months later, you’ll feel so much better and very accomplished.

Stick to your goals if they’re longer term goals. Keep at them. If you’re getting burned out try adjusting your schedule so you’re not spending so much time every day. Or take a day off to go for a walk or spend time with family. But come back to it. Keep working on it.

If you get off track too much and find yourself falling behind on your goals, stop and re-evaluate. Is your goal realistic for you at this time? If it is go ahead and re-define it. Look at your schedule and time frame again. Adjust those if needed. If your goal isn’t realistic decide if you want to put it off, or if it’s not something you really want after all.

If a goal is not something you truly want you’ll find it very hard to achieve. But sometimes even the things you want the most take discpline

Ok. Wow. This is a mammoth post. But again, I feel it’s so important that as mothers, you and I find effectiveness and that starts with knowing what we want and how to go about getting it (for ourselves and for our families.) It helps to feel and truly be accomplishing what we want.

I’m going to talk about really writing down you goals and considering how to accomplish them. Often our goals need to be examined and perhaps broken down. Sometimes they need to be set aside for when the kids are older, but sometimes they can be accomplished, it just takes more effort. Always they need to be weighed with your needs and the family needs.

But before you can get down into the goal-setting trenches you need to have time to think. You need time to work on your goals and to start accomplishing them. For that you really need a managed household.

I firmly believe that all mothers need a household that runs smoothly most of the time. There are going to be days when you are sick. When the kids are sick. When you forget to thaw supper. When there are repairmen all over the house and your baby has been screaming for the past 12 hours. And on these days, it might just be good to call it quits, order a pizza and a cheesy chick-flick so you can sit and cry at the movie while your baby bawls in your arms. These days are inevitable.

But most days you want your household to run smoothly. You want order and peace. For that you need a routine.

Like I mentioned above, this may be harder for you if you are pregnant with your first baby or you only have your baby. This is simply because the need doesn’t seem so pressing. If it’s pregnant you your day may be defined by work, or you may be happy at home reading and getting meals ready. If you have your first baby with you you may find days go by in a blur, but it’s ok because it’s just you and baby.

When you have more than one child the benefit of a scheduled day is more apparent – your older child needs attention and probably wants to have regular meals! You can immediately see why a scheduled day is beneficial.

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An brief aside before I move on in this article – I’m going to talk about setting up a routine that includes your baby. But I want to make it clear that I personally have never scheduled nursings for a baby. I have found that my babies grow best and my milk supply is at its best when my babies nurse on demand. However I have found that after the first few months of rapid growth my babies often naturally begin to nurse at times that work with the schedule – such as just before or after breakfast, while I’m having storytime with the children, during snacktimes, etc. But if you’re going to nurse on demand remember that sometimes nursing will interrupt your schedule.

I suggest if you have a young baby who nurses very frequently that you try most of all to A . stick with regular mealtimes for yourself (yes! you need regular meals!) and family, B. be very regular about when you lie down with/rock/nurse your baby for the naptimes you’d like he/she to have, and C. honor the bedtimes of older children and yourself – if baby is wakeful and fussy in the night for a period keep the lights off and comfort baby in the dark (or with a low nightlight if you need it for safety.)

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Ok. And having a scheduled day is going to allow you time to work on your goals, no matter what they are.

So where do you start? Thankfully, this is really, really easy

Start with wake up times, meal times, and bedtimes. If you don’t have a regular bedtime now is a great time to form the habit.

Some of this may already be determined. You may be getting up for work or to see your husband off to work, or to get older children off to school or to start a homeschool day. You may get supper ready as soon as you get home or soon after your husband arrives home. If it’s already determined that’s good, write it down.

If you’re rolling out of the bed a few hours after your man leaves for work and stumbling around in your jammies for a bit now is the time to change that habit! Pick a time to wake up in the mornings. Don’t make it too early. If you’re used to getting up at 10am and you pick 6am that may not work – especially not if you’re pregnant! But you can work towards it

Pick regular mealtimes. If you’re pregnant or have young children you need regular snack times too. These are the cornerstones of your schedule. If you have a nursing baby you may want to observe your baby’s nursing pattern for a couple of days to see if it’s at all regular. If it is you can possibly figure out times your baby will need you to be nursing.

Ok, you have your wake-up time, your meal and snack times, and your bed time in there (and also children’s bedtimes). Next think of the things you’d like to accomplish in a day. Think of the things you’d like your children to accomplish.

Your baby will probably be happy to spend most of the day riding in a baby carrier as you do your work, or playing nearby you. Some “baby activities” you may want to work on, though, are helping baby nap at regular times and as you move out of the newborn stage encouraging baby to be ok playing/being alone for a 10 minute or so span of time (so you can shower, make a phone call, etc)

If you have older children you may want to teach them to play alone for 30 minutes daily (I have found having special toys for these times to work well), teach them to play for 30 minutes with a sibling, teach them to do an age-appropriate chore, etc.

My children’s days are filled with playtime with each other, their age-appropriate chores, helping me around the house, reading stories, doing some songs and fingerplays, and some days we have arts and crafts. They also have free play time and each has a daily half hour of time to play alone.

This is just to give you an idea. Your day will probably have meal preparation and housework in it. Again I encourage you to “share the load” with your children in age-appropriate ways. And let them help you, even if it takes you a little longer. This will ease your mother’s “burden” greatly as they get older and become more and more capable of helping.

If you desire time to read, sew, work on the computer, make calls, etc. go ahead and write all that down.

Whew. That’s a lot. It’s a lot to figure out. Now what do you do with this list? Look it over and decide what you’re going to do in the first 2-3 hours of your day. Make breakfast, take a walk, read to the little ones, clean the kitchen, etc. Now take a week or so and just work on that and your meals and bedtimes. That’s right – follow your schedule for the first 2-3 hours in the morning and get your meals and bedtime on time (naptimes would be good as well).

You may need to discipline yourself to follow a routine. Your children may need encouragement. If this is the case I greatly encourage you to take the confident stance of “this is the way things are now.” You are the mama, and what you say goes. In the end this is going to give the children a more calm, centered, and attentive mama – and they will be happier and more secure. But if they’re not used to any schedule at all it may be tough at first. Just tell them this is the way it is. Singing often helps encourage children, and most will come running when you sit down to read or tell a story. So storytime is probably a good thing to have at the beginning of your day.

As you start to gain self discipline and work with your children you can add to the schedule. Work up to lunchtime and then add the afternoon in. You will have to work at it some. You may realize that your expectations were unrealistic or don’t work for some reason. If that’s the case, adjust your schedule.

If you have blocks of time in your schedule when you’re not sure what to do with yourself – don’t worry – I’m going to talk about goal-setting more and you’re going to fit some of those goals in!

If you’re not sure what to do with your children besides read books and plop them in front of movies I recommend you go to the library tonight and check out books on children activities! You do not need to be “artsy crafty” – just check out a book on simple children’s crafts. Check out one on finger games (like “The Eentsy Weentsy Spider”). And check out one of classic children’s songs and get some good children’s stories. You can plan a craft or two a week. Then sing with them, play finger games (“fingerplays”), and read to them every day. Take walks with them and let them help you cook and clean. Allow them free play time. This is a nourishing day for a young child!

Ok. That’s a lot to consider. It’s overwhelming at first. Take a week or two to think over and develop a schedule and then work slowly over a few weeks to implement it and tweak it so it works for you. You’ll notice a difference in your home. Now that you have time to think, meals are getting cooked, and chores are getting done you can sit down and look at your goals and find time to get them accomplished.