If your house feels way out of order don’t stop reading – sometimes I feel like my home is falling apart around me, and sometimes I feel lost, confused, and even like a failure. But it’s important not to let feelings like that get to you. Getting things under control and bringing order and peace back to your home should be your goal.

Developing a routine for your day is probably the first and most important thing. I cover that in an article series for you. Setting goals is a good first step – I’ve written a useful way to think about setting goals.

After you’ve gotten your goals down you can get into the practical aspect of setting a schedule/routine up. Putting gentle rhythm into your routine is also important – it keeps things from feeling rigid.

It’s also good to figure out when lists will help you – and when they won’t.

Overall you’ll find considering your vision as a mother to be helpful to tackling life.

I talk some about organizing in the articles above. Learning to do bite sized organizing and how to tackle a tough room are important skills to pick up.

Many times you’re going to feel overwhelmed see how (and why) motherhood and the 2nd law of thermodynamics are so deeply related (and just how that can help you)!

If you feel utterly worn out I’ve written an extensive article on mothering while exhausted – you may glean some ideas from it!

One of my biggest goals has been to get the house organized before the baby comes. I used it as an example in an article on how to set goals because it was something I’ve been working with actively. I’m really pleased to say that most of my organizing is done and I have worked steadily on my goal! Breaking it into small, bite-sized chunks really helped – I was able to stay motivated and it fit into my busy schedule.

I found that most of my rooms were pretty straightforward when I actually started to work on them. Even my upstairs landing – where I kept tossing everything that didn’t go in rooms I organized before it – went pretty quickly under a few days of intense work.

Then I got to our office. And I realized what a tough room really is. We have so much “stuff” that goes in the office. And I do so much work in here. Not only work on my website, but I also keep track of all of our family paperwork, our accounting, and many, many books in different categories.

There’s a lot of computer equipment in the office that either needs to be kept or won’t be parted with. Computer CDs, music CDs, and did I mention books? Office supplies were everywhere and never where I needed them.

I was overwhelmed.

Finding a Starting Point

The first thing I did was figure out what worked in the office and what didn’t work. The places our computers are at work well. I get a very good view of both the front and side yards from my desk, and I’m next to Scott’s desk. I like that in the evenings. I had an inbox system started next to my desk that works well for me.

But other than that pretty much everything was a mess! The files were horrible and they were far away from me. That was not convinient at all because I use the files frequently while I take care of our family’s paperworks and business. There was computer paraphernalia *everywhere*, huge totes in the closet which were mostly empty, and our audio CDs were in the closet which annoyed Scott.

After I figured out just what worked and what didn’t, I was able to pick out a starting point – try and get the files closer to me.

Working out Solutions

Our office space is not terribly big and my desk is really quite small. We’re planning to get me a slightly larger one when our budget allows, but for now it’s not the highest priority. Since I have a small working space I’d been using the closet as part of my work area. Those huge totes that were half-empty served as a surface for me to keep my inbox system on.

Upon looking at our filing cabinet – which is two drawers high with each drawer holding two rows of files – I realized it could fit neatly into the small closet space. We went ahead and moved that. I took the few things out of the big totes and took them outside. Later Scott put them into the shed so we can take them to his mom, who can use them.

Getting this first step done helped me feel a lot better. The next obvious thing was figuring out what to do with all the computer equipment I’d just put on the floor. We already had a drawer unit with some things it. I went through that, cleaning it out, and was able to get most of the computer equipment neatly inside. I liked that because it was all together and all out of sight! Some of the bigger cables and old floppy disk cases (which Scott needs to keep) went to the top of the closet.

Realizing we Needed More

This was the first room I encountered where I realized we would have to make some bigger purchases. I’d purchased a couple of small containers for the kitchen and one for the bathroom after getting done with those – but they were small and a few dollars each (a few dollars made a big difference!)

But the office needed bigger solutions. One will be a slightly larger desk for me (one that actually has a keyboard shelf!!!). But that one can wait. We did need something to go where we’d moved the file cabinet from – because the printer now had no place to go! We decided upon a heavy-duty utility shelf. It’s not the prettiest thing in the world, but it’s very functional and sturdy.

Scott set that up and fit it between the wall and the kids’ “office desk” where they can “work” while I do my work. We were able to fit the printer and scanner onto a shelf with enough room to open the scanner fully. The next shelf comfortably holds all those CDs Scott wanted out of the closet. The top shelf has some tapes and assorted things that just needed storage room.

I was able to get all the computer software CDs gathered up and put into an empty file folder box, which fit well on the bottom shelf along with some paper products. The shelf directly under the printer holds another file box which contains extra, empty files, and has room for some of the children’s supplies as well.

This shelf was a big purchase for us but helped a lot.

All of my cleaning inspired Scott to somewhat clean his desk (I’m not touching it!) He had a wire “in-basket” that I put on top of the file cabinet next to my desk. Then we purchased a small metal shelf (meant to go on an existing shelf or surface). I put that on the file cabinet too.

I found a small, pretty wicker basket at Goodwill to hold cables and small electronic things I use frequently (digital camera and cables, a calculator, webcam, my iPod, etc.) I put that on the little shelf along with a medium sized container to hold my office supplies – tape, stapler, scissors, super glue, etc. I also had a little room on there to put a container for holding pencils and pens.

I put magazines and products I’m currently reviewing in the space under the shelf.

After these few purchases (and finds) I suddenly had an office that was working much better!

The last thing I did was organize our files and books. The files took a long time and a lot of work – I may make another post about working on files! Books I moved and shifted around some and ended up with more room for books than I’d started with.

End Result

The office was the absolute toughest room I encountered. The only room that has come close is the laundry room because it holds such an assortment of stuff (and Scott has things in there that I have no clue what they are and don’t want to mess with them without his help :p).

It was a room where I realized we truly did need to make some purchases, and I had to go to absolute “square 1″ and figure out where to start. Hopefully sharing just how I did that will help you figure out that even if a room looks really tough, it can probably be organized to work effectively.

When I sit down to take care of business or family matters all that I need is within arms reach of me (unless for some reason I actually need all the computer paraphernalia we have in those drawers across the room). I’m able to get my work done much more quickly and efficiently, even with a small space for my office.

This entire experience of organizing the house has been very nice for me because I’ve been able to figure out how make our relatively small home work well for us. There are some things I still can’t figure out (where are we going to put that china cabinet……) but for the most part I’ve been really pleased with how I’ve been able to make space – and make space that works for our family

I talked before about how important it is to outline your goals completely and concretely so they’re actually achievable – review how to set goals. I also gave an example of organizing my house.

Small Steps Go Quickly

I went through and elaborated on that goal in my own personal notes. I took each room in the house and broke down each area of the room to clean out. I did this in a way that is logical to me. For example, in the kitchen I broke my list down by cabinet and drawer.

I have again found that by breaking my organizing down into small steps that I’m able to quickly work through tasks that otherwise seem insurmountable. I was literally dreading cleaning my kitchen, and now I’m just about done. The only things left on my list are to re-stock with eco-friendly (and kid-friendly) cleaners and to buy a couple of organizing caddies I found would be helpful. I’ve been rewarded by finding a lot of space I didn’t realize I had, and a kitchen that works more efficiently for me. That’s a lot to get out of my rather tiny kitchen

Working in Pictures

Another thing that has helped me is picturing what I need to work on next. I’m an extremely visual thinker and this trick will help you if you’re also visual. I found that by picturing the cabinet or area I needed to work on next (or had just worked on and wasn’t happy with) I could mentally do work to it. I could try out different things in my “mind’s eye.” Then when I walked into the kitchen it was just a matter of quickly moving things around to where I’d already pictured them.

This mental imagery also helped me get rid of some things – I pictured how much they had actually been used and then pictured the clear space from letting them go. This helped me feel confident in placing them in the “giveaway” pile.

Small tasks – Fit where You can get them

Organizing in “bite sizes” like this has worked really well for me. I’ve been working so hard on the site redesign that I haven’t had any time to dedicate solely to organizing the house. Since I’ve been working in these bite-sized chunks I’ve been able to fit the organizing in here and there – just as I finished getting a meal cooking, just after Scott leaves for work in the morning, while the kids are cleaning their toys up, etc.

It’s a great technique for actually getting one of your goals accomplished – especially ones that you can break down into very small chunks of time.

I say “carry your home” because it really is the mother who sets the tone for the home. You’ve probably heard the saying “if mama isn’t happy, nobody is happy.” And it’s true. If you’re feeling stressed out the children will reflect that too (your husband probably will too, if he’s around) The atmosphere in a home is largely set by the mother. A good rhythm will help you create a warm home.

Bringing Rhythm

You work rhythm into your routine. With small children it can be pretty easy. As you do your work sing or hum. Learn songs related to the work you’re doing – baking songs, washing songs, etc. Most cultures have songs that have traditionally gone along with household tasks and you can find folk artists who have recorded them.

Pick a song or a nursery rhyme or verse that signals it’s time to change activities. When it’s time to clean up toys and get ready for lunch, a simple song about cleaning up toys can help a young child make what might otherwise be a hard transition. Songs about working together and doing chores can help make the housework go more quickly and cheerfully – and cheerfulness is something you want to instill in your children!

You may already have a bedtime routine that involves story and singing – that’s a great example of giving a living, breathing rhythm to a routine. You don’t just set the child in bed and turn out the light. The child knows there’s a transition period where he is having a bath, reading a story, and listening to you sing a song before the light is turned out.

In my home singing while cooking is pretty much a given. It helps me as I move back and forth across the kitchen. It also helps save my sanity because I can work and sing and not have to answer the five-hundred-million questions I get asked every time I set foot in the kitchen!

Atmosphere and Nurturing

Some families open every meal with a verse of thanksgiving or blessing and this is a nice hint of rhythm to start the family meal. Other mealtime ideas include lighting a candle, setting out pretty cloth napkins, or arranging fresh flowers or produce as a seasonal centerpiece. I’ve read of one mother that set the breakfast table before she went to bed every night so she could wake to have the table ready for her each morning – it was something she did to give herself a little nurturing.

There may be small things you do to build the rhythm and atmosphere of your home – have everyone make beds in the mornings so the rooms have a more peaceful feel to them. I’m not doing great at this one right now – but usually I do try and make sure that my bed is made because I know Scott enjoys it. I also get his things set on his bedside table because it’s a small way I can show him that I care about him – and that I’m thinking of him during the day while he’s at work.

Bringing a routine and schedule to your family is vital to helping your family function and getting the things you want to get done actually done. But bringing life into your home is something completely different – and relatively simple. Sing (even if you think you can’t – your kids don’t care), mark transitions with a song or verse, light candles, dance while you sweep the floor – anything you can think of. It goes a long way towards bringing routine and rhythm to your children – and it brings warmth to your home life and joy to yourself.

These are just some brief ideas on creating rhythm and a nurturing atmosphere in your home (for your family and for yourself!) I may go into more detail, or if you have questions just ask in the comments. And yes, there are days when I get frazzled just like you – and my home doesn’t seem quite so peaceful as I like to write about. But singing really helps those days too :p

It’s not hard to develop goals once you have an effective time and task management system in place. You need to put forth some effort, and it will take a little time. But it’s not hard.

How to Set Your Goals – A Basic Primer

You don’t have the luxury of a whole day away to dream up lofty goals for yourself. Hoping for such a day (or even a block of hours) just leads to frustration – “time away” is a myth that makes moms unhappy. Work this in whenever you can. It may be those still, silent moments while you sit in your child’s bedroom waiting for him or her go to sleep. It may be while your children are doing schoolwork or playing outside. Maybe it’s in the bathroom – believe me, I understand if that’s the only “alone time” you get!

Keep a notebook with you. Think about where you are in your life when you can grab a few minutes to think. Don’t dwell on regrets or mistakes. Guilt and regret destroys the joy of motherhood. You’ve made mistakes. It’s OK. Just think about where you are today and the knowledge you have now – from the failures and the successes in your life.

Do a little life planning next. This takes some time – this is why you want that notebook with you. You can write in your notebook whenever you have a few minutes. As you do your planning – dreaming up what you want for your future, and for your family – jot things down in the notebook.

Your plan is going to help you pick some goals. Some will be longer-term. Some will be immediate – things you want to see happen this year or even in the next few months.

You take these goals and work them out. I’ve developed a system from several leading books on personal development. This system is refined out into a goal setting worksheet that you can use easily, step-by-step, to work out your goals and your plans for those goals. It’s in perfect bite-sized chunks.

Need some examples? I understand. I was completely overwhelmed when I first started developing and setting goals. I wanted to know practical examples for how to apply some “lofty” goal to real life as a mom. I’ve provided several goal setting examples from real life – use them to encourage you in your own situation.

You developed your goals – now how are you going to keep track of them? A goal tracker is essential for you. You see what your focus is at a glance. You also measure your progress – if you desire – or just keep up with what you hope to get done.

There are a few other keys to achieving goals – I detail the importance of focus and how affirmation and visualization can play an important part in your life. You’re probably underestimating just how much these keys can help you – as a busy mom and businesswoman you have a huge advantage in using these!

Once you get the basics of life under control (at least a little!) take the time to think through goals for yourself, your family, and your business. Use these goals to gain focus and clarify. A few tips and shortcuts go a long way to help you achieve your goals – so spend some time with the articles and tips in this section and most of all, enjoy getting just what you really desire for yourself and your family.

Good time management doesn’t just let you to get what you want to done – with your children, with your family, with your home, and with your business …It also lets you feel a sense of control. When you feel in control of life and how things are going, you feel better, you’re more efficient, and you’re a much more cheerful mother!

Now it’s true that you can’t always be “in control” of things in life – but the key is to make peace with what you can’t control. Organize and manage your time so you’re taking care of the things you can.

I’ve got some quick time management tips for you – plus more in-depth articles that let you gain control of your life and keep things running smoothly (and happily)

A time management system keeps you on top of your priorities. You know that you’re working in time for those life essentials – housework, cooking, etc. And you have time to get some of your business work done every day. But the biggest gift you get is time to spend with your family without worrying about what you’re “not getting done.”

Mastering basic time management skills lets you utilize any system more effectively – these skills range from creating routines in your own life to developing decisiveness. Adding these habits and systems to your life frees you from a lot of stress – and as a mom and a successful entrepreneur the last thing you need is more stress (or wasted time).

Something that helps significantly is developing a working schedule. A stay at home mom schedule (or work at home mom schedule) gives you the structure you need to maintain the household – and you still have time for your work. It’s also a good way to organize your children’s days. Children love and thrive on routine… and lets face it, happy children keep you sane!

I love reading about different time management systems – I’ll admit I’m a bit of junkie for books on managing life! I give you an overview of some of my favorite books below:

Get a general overview of the Best Time Management Books
Getting Things Done Review
Time Power Review
Master Your Workday Now! Review

You need to discover the skills for managing your life. You weren’t taught how to manage a household, much less a household and a successful business while you’re parenting (and often taking care of a spouse!) The articles linked on this page give you confidence and solid techniques you can put into practice right away.

So I often find myself learning new things and teaching myself how to do things. I’ve developed a way to help myself learn things more quickly and thoroughly, and I thought I’d share with you.

I pick up new skills and knowledge through periods of intense focus. I actually got this idea from a male blogger. He takes the strategy to the extreme – spending time focusing on what he’s learning and ignoring everything else for whatever his period of time to learn is (days or weeks). It works well for him. That strategy just does not work for mothers. We have too much that needs to be done every day.

If you’re a work at home mom like I am, you have even more that needs to be done each day. But you can’t just dump parenting to take time to work on a project. You can’t forget that your children need three meals a day while you spend hours devoted to your sewing project. Your meals just won’t get planned and your grocery list won’t get made if you’re devoting weeks to a project and decide to chuck everything else. I think this strategy could work very well for a single person, or for someone who is not the primary caretaker of children and home. It could probably work if your children are in school during the day, too. But for me homeschooling my older children and caring for preschoolers the “pure focus on one project/area of study” just won’t work.

However, I’ve found a variation of it that’s very effective, even while you’re a busy mother and/or work-at-home mom.

My strategy is as follows: first decide what you want to focus on. Then devote your time to learning just about that focus. Where you may have read a novel or two, a book on gardening, a book on parenting, and a book on having a well behaved cat all in one month, you’ll now choose just one focus. I did this right after Christmas and through the first several weeks of January with our nutrition. I got a stack of books on nutrition I wanted to read. Then I devoted my free time to reading about nutrition or working in the kitchen to implement what I’d learned.

This may sound like a really simple concept but I’ve found it works tremendously well. Most of the focus of my free time to read was on nutrition. Since the books I was reading were similar in subject I found I could move through my reading more quickly. I could skim over bits that I was already familiar with from another book because the information was so fresh. I could quickly compare what I’d read in the different books. And I could try out many different things in the kitchen throughout the course of those few weeks, refining my time in the kitchen and my family’s good nutrition.

The strategy of focusing intensely on one subject of interest worked really well for me. I’m doing it again right now as I go through several books on parenting and family rhythm. Reading all the books one after the other is allowing me compare the ideas and thoughts each author presents. It’s helping me to look at our day-to-day life and my day-to-day outlook and figure out where to make changes to be more effective. It’s also allowing me to work out a plan for changes that I want to make in our daily routine and my parenting. I can work out my plan now and revise that as I work through all the books. Then I’ll be able to work through the plan and see how things go for us – rather than continuously changing things around as a read a new book on family issues here, and then another one there, and so forth.

As with the nutrition study, I feel like my mind is focused on what I’m reading now and I can quickly increase my knowledge and work through things in my own mind. It’s very nice. During my focus on parenting I’m also keeping a notebook of things I glean from each book – my hope is that when I’m done reading I’ll have my own “parenting book” full of the wisdom I gleaned during my time of focus.

I plan to use this approach throughout the rest of the year with each area that I decided to work on this year (mostly issues having to do with home management and family life, as is evidenced by nutrition and parenting in my examples!)

If I have novels I want to read I’m planning to do so between my times of focus. Scott says I don’t read enough novels or books just “for fun” but alas – I have a lot I want to teach myself and I really want to continuously improve my mothering and my household management. That just doesn’t leave much time for fiction!

I’ve also found that picking focuses that are highly relevant to my life currently helps me to spend more time working with what I’m learning. Since I’m in the kitchen at least five times a day anyways, experimenting with what I learned during the nutrition study was pretty easy to do. And parenting and family life issues… well I get the chance to work on that every day – day in and day out (isn’t one of the joys of mothering that no matter how bad you mess up one day, there’s still the next day, and the next day, and the next day to try again)!

If you’d like to read the article that inspired this one, it’s Steve Pavlina’s article on rapid improvement – I think it’s a good article. I do, however, disagree with a lot of what Steve Pavlina writes and I want to say that I’m not endorsing him in any way, shape, or form. I do find some of his articles to be thought provoking, this being one of them. And I’m sure he’ll appreciate the link. :p

Despite first trying to convince myself that I don’t actually need sleep, I realized that I needed to acknowledge that this is just a really tiring time in my life. I know I’m not alone in any way, and that you and many other moms are dealing with the same problem (though the causes are varied.) A lot of us are just plain exhausted.

How do You Function?

That is an essential question for an exhausted mother. You ask yourself “how am I supposed to function on so little sleep?” At one point in my life I could go to bed at 3am and be up again at 7am with seemingly no ill effects…but long gone are those late nights as a theatre techie… For some reason dealing with all the issues that crop up as a mother are much, much harder without sleep.

It’s important to come at life with a plan when you’re so tired – and it’s also good to know just when you should chuck the plan. In this article I’m going to focus on some strategies to help you while you’re sleep-deprived. I won’t focus on how to help you get more sleep because in many situations that’s just not going to happen. You have to make your way through a tired season of life.

One tip I will give, if you’re up with a baby often, is to sleep as much as possible when your baby sleeps. As a mother of four, my days of this luxury are long, long gone ;p

In most instances having a simple schedule will help you greatly. In addition, a well-organized kitchen and meal strategies can help greatly. Streamlining your cleaning can be helpful. And know when to forget all of the above. Detail on all of this below. I’ll also cover outside commitments, and how some grounding and centering time for yourself can be helpful.

A Simple Schedule

I’ve covered scheduling pretty extensively in previous articles on managing motherhood. I really believe that having a regular daily routine can help you a lot. For bigger families like mine, a more organized and detailed schedule can be helpful. If you just have a baby or only very young children a guiding routine can be sufficient.

The reason having a scheduled day helps when you’re absolutely exhausted is you don’t have to think. Relieving yourself of the burden of decision making is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself in a time of little sleep. Decision making can seem overwhelming and requires energy you would rather put elsewhere.

A set schedule or routine allows you to know exactly what is coming. You know when you get up you make breakfast, then you wash dishes, then you and the little ones take a walk. You have some outside play then come in for a snack. Then some stories and playtime and it’s time for lunch. After lunch a short time outside is followed by a nap. And so forth.

You know what is going on when, you don’t have to decide what to do when. It can be really beneficial when you’re tired. It’s also good during times of grief when life seems tough (such as when you lose a loved one). A set schedule helps you “go through the motions” so to speak, to keep everyone cared for even while it’s harder for you to plan.

This also helps you ensure that you are able to spend time with your children doing the things important to you – such as reading to them daily. Sometimes in the stress and tiredness of life these things get forgotten. Then another common mothering issue – guilt – surfaces. By having a storytime, or tea party time, or vehicle play time, set into your daily routine you assure you’re able to be there for your little ones.

Kitchen

Ah the kitchen – every mother’s favorite. You need to feed your family, but the last thing you want is to be stuck in the kitchen when you can hardly keep your eyes open. This is a big issue for me too; I feel so tired and it takes a lot satisfy my family.

Simplify Breakfast and Lunch

I’ve learned some tricks that will help you, however. First, pick a breakfast and stick with it. Oatmeal is a good nourishing breakfast. We have oatmeal and scrambled eggs most mornings. Another breakfast idea is sourdough toast and peanut butter. This breakfast can be served on paper towels for easy clean-up (or on coffee filters – an idea I learned volunteering in a special needs preschool.)

I recommend a similar strategy for lunch – pick a lunch for each day of the week and use that every week. For instance, bean and cheese burritos every Monday. Tuna salad every Tuesday. Chicken and rice soup every Wednesday. Or if your family is small enough to have sufficient leftovers you could plan to have leftovers from supper most days.

These strategies again eliminate the need for decision making and the benefits are the same as I described for scheduling. You help to relieve yourself of stress and uncertainty. It also simplifies the grocery list and helps you know what to stock up on during sales.

Supper Strategies

For supper you can do something similar – have the same meal every night of the week. Perhaps plan different meals on the weekends. Or repeat one menu for four weeks – I did this while I was a single mother and after we made an inter-state move. I planned on week’s grocery menu and then repeated that for four weeks.

A variation of this is to plan certain types of meals for certain nights of the week – Monday is always Mexican food. Tuesday is always some sort of roast. Friday is always homemade pizza night, etc. Then your recipes are varied but ingredients are similar and a “theme” helps you narrow down the food choices.

A crock pot is a great addition to the above ideas, and even more important if you don’t want to repeat meals. Crockpot meals can be virtually effortless and let you put the ingredients in then forgot about supper. You can toss together a quick salad just before it’s time to eat (or open a bagged salad if it will save your sanity) and you have a delicious meal ready to go.

Other easy choices are quick-to-put together casseroles and “one skillet meals.” Try and choose healthy basic meals over processed food – you and the kids will feel better for it. But processed food every once in awhile isn’t going to hurt. Jarred spaghetti sauce and ground meat, canned beans added to rice, and taco kits with ground meat are some quick choices that are healthier than other processed foods.

If you have a recipe you can easily double go ahead and do that, then freeze the doubled (or tripled) portion. This gives you a good, home-cooked meal on a day that you have absolutely no energy to cook.

Cleaning

Ok. So far as cleaning goes I believe in letting it go when you really need to. Cleaning should be the first thing you drop if you’re feeling exhausted. In fact, if life is incredibly overwhelming I’ll be the first to tell you go buy some paper plates and plastic utensils – it doesn’t matter how un-natural it is. Sometimes your sanity is worth it.

But, if you’re like me a clean home is a home that makes you feel better. Here are some strategies that can help:

First, clean as you go. If you’ve just emptied a pot or pan in the kitchen, wash it right away. Running a bit of warm water and soap in your sink as you get your meal started can help with this. Throw packaging and food waste away (or put it in the compost bucket) as soon as you generate it. If you spill something on the floor take a moment to wipe it right down.

You can also look for quick cleaning opportunities. This is a habit I’m trying to develop in my own life. Keep a bottle of natural spray cleaner (or your own home made bottle) in a cabinet in the bathroom. When you take a bathroom break take a moment to spray the counter and wipe it down quickly. The next time you come in do the same with the toilet seat and rim. Quickly sweep the kitchen or bathroom floor just before you leave the room.

These quick cleaning sessions will help you keep on top of things, and keep that little sparkle and shine in your home – which helps you feel better.

One of my favorite tips for handling kid clutter is to have a “clean up basket.” I prefer to have my kids put their toys away into separate baskets/tins/bags for the toy. For instance all our blocks go into one basket. Cassidy’s horse toys go in another. The boy’s toy vehicles go in another. But this can seem overwhelming when there are toys all over the house.

This is when you grab a sturdy basket and walk through the house, picking up all the toys. Then you and the children sit down and sort them into their appropriate place from the basket.

Teach them to help

Speaking of children, I recommend you begin to include your children around the house early on. Even a small child can be given his or her own cloth to wipe a counter after you. If you sing a “clean up song” as you work at putting things away it will help your small child to enjoy the activity. If put a few blocks into his basket, then hand your young child a block, he will naturally imitate you and put his block away! Take advantage of your young child’s natural drive to imitate, and his enthusiasm, to help you

My favorite cleaning routine (outside of day-to-day things that I try and do as soon as is needed) is taking a morning to clean. I use Friday mornings to first take care of our family’s finances and then to clean – I clean the bathroom, the bathroom and kitchen floors, vacuum, and do an overall straighten of the house. Other mothers prefer to do one of these areas each day throughout the week.

Another thing that may work for you is to do your cleaning while your partner is home. Each of you can take a couple of areas of the cleaning to manage, then take a nap and enjoy the afternoon in your clean home.

Chucking All of That

I’ve given you some good tips above. Having a set routine, simplifying and advance meal prep, and bite-sized cleaning tips can all help make life go more smoothly for you. These things also tend to help keep the children content.

However, there are going to be some days when you are too exhausted to manage. You may have been up every night with the baby. You may be early in pregnancy. For whatever reason life may just be overwhelming.

There are times when you should just chuck everything. If you feel like you need to just let things go I recommend you plant yourself on the couch or in the bed with a bunch of storybooks and just read to your children. Crayons and paper can also help. Or if the weather is nice take your child to the park (or back yard) and just sit and watch while they run and play.

Always keep your children with you if you’re tired. If you are resting on the couch, have them with you in the room. Don’t let them be in another room where they could get into something. If they are in the room with you, you can keep a sleepy eye on them.

If you absolutely need a break this is a good time to call eager and energetic aunts, uncles, godparents or others who will be happy to chase your young children around. Grandparents are also a good option

When You Get Sick

Sometimes when you’re “running on empty” you end up getting sick. This is a lot more likely if you have older children – but it can happen even if you’re just tending the baby.

If you get sick go ahead and follow the suggestions above. There are also some other things you can do.

If you need to sleep and you have young children you may want to create a baby-proofed space in their bedroom. Put up a baby gate, have some toys, and you lie down and rest as much as possible while they play.

Running a shallow bath and putting them in to play while you sit and relax in a chair in the bathroom is a good option for a few minutes of not having to chase children around as well.

Again, as I said above, keep your children in the same room with you. You will immediately see if they do something they shouldn’t. You don’t have to worry about them getting into something in another room. If there are sibling fights or bad attitudes you will have seen what happened and be able to address it immediately.

Outside Commitments

I am a firm believer in staying close to the home with children. One playgroup a week, if that, is sufficient for a small child. You can your children need to have a living, breathing rhythm at home. Modern culture may tell you that you need to have your little ones involved in sports, art classes, dance, preschool, and various other extracurricular activities but the reality is your little ones will become bright, inquisitive children just by being home and helping you with daily life. A trip to the grocery store where they are involved is a thrilling learning experience.

Say “no” to many outside commitments. Pick one playgroup with mothers you enjoy and playmates your child enjoys. Spend the rest of your days in a comforting routine at home. Don’t drag your child all over town on errands if you can help it (I know sometimes you just can’t). A trip to the market once a week and a playgroup can become beloved parts of a child’s routine – things they look forward to. But otherwise young children are content to be home helping you (unless they have been taught to expect constant entertainment. If that is the case I humbly recommend you change your expectations and help them change theirs!)

You will feel better if you are not “go, go, go” each and every day. I constantly evaluate what we do. In our city there are lots of playgroups, classes, and lessons I could take the children to each and every week. There’s a lot that I want to do. I find myself saying “no” to a lot of it, however. I get stressed and the children get stressed when we’re always “out and about.” I try and pick the opportunity that best fits me and the children, and stick with that.

It’s hard to say “no” and it’s hard to put aside things we want to do (go to the bookstore or mall) but there are times when it’s best for our children that we do just that. If you’d like to go out it may make sense to wait until your spouse or a relative/friend can watch your children and you can browse the bookstore in peace

Spiritual

I don’t want to leave this off because I think it’s important. Beliefs are varied and different and those that you and I hold may be different. Ok. Political correctness aside, keeping yourself grounded from a spiritual perspective can really help.

My own beliefs help me get through the roughest days. Even when everything feels like it’s going wrong and I feel like I’m getting absolutely nothing done, I know that I can remain calm and work through the issues. I have this peace because of the grounding my beliefs give me. And if I absolutely blow it (which I do sometimes, being human) my beliefs also allow me to bring myself to apologize and move on.

The time I take to read and study, even if it’s just minutes here or there, also help me greatly. They allow me to live past my own emotions and be the mother I want to be – not ruled by frustration and anger, which are very burdensome emotions to struggle with as a mother. It’s far better to have freedom from those and taking the time to grow in my own faith gives me that.

I encourage you to examine your own beliefs and find the strength you can in taking that time for you – and pray if it helps. As mothers it’s oftentimes the only thing we can do

Realize that letting go of your emotions is often better than being chained to them. Let go of frustration and anger – and self-pity. They don’t control you

In summary

This has been a really long article! I considered breaking it down and decided against that. I may in time elaborate on the various sections. But a comprehensive picture on how to function while you’re worn out is helpful. Take what helps you in this article – it’s written from a lot of personal experience.

Last of all, remember that even though this time in your life is tiring, enjoy it. You will only have children for a set period of time, and then there will be more full nights of sleep, mornings to sleep in, and hours to sit reading or daydreaming. Once that time comes, you’ll probably spend your hours daydreaming about those sweet days when your children were little. So do enjoy them while they’re here, even though life is very tiring right now!

A lot.

This law says that heat doesn’t go from a colder body to a warmer body – it can only flow in one direction, and that natural process is irreversible. The rest of the law states that all natural things move toward increasing entropy. What does that mean? It means that according to the law all ordered things move towards disorder and dispersement naturally.

What does this have to do with you? A lot. Because it’s true. You go and clean the house every day. And every day it naturally gets messy again. You clean the kitchen and 8 hours later it’s in chaos. You scrub the kid and 20 minutes later you’d mistake him for mud puddle. Everything in our lives as mothers moves from order to disorder.

The only thing that changes the natural law is for you to step in and intervene. And oh the interventions you must make. In fact, there are many days when I want to look at my kitchen, or our hectic schedule, and give up. Let chaos reign while I put my feet up! Those are the days I’m particularly glad I have a dishwasher to help at least somewhat.

But the real way to deal with the irreversible nature of your household is to implement and oversee a plan. Humans are intelligent and many, many great women before me have realized this. Go to your library and you’ll find any number of books on organizing, ordering, and tackling your life (there are some books by men that will help you a lot too, they just tend to write on personal and professional effectiveness, not household management). Check out the rest of this site for other ideas.

But a big thing is to realize that things can and will get overwhelming at times. And those are times that you need to find and implement a plan. Intelligently tackle the problem.

I think (as you’re well aware ) that organizing your home is a great first step (setting up a schedule is another good place to start). But as I’ve moved through organizing rooms in the house I’ve realized it’s just that – a first step. I need a plan or it’s going to go back to the same disorganized state really, really quickly.

So you identify the issue – for me it’s that everyone (including myself) is going to leave “stuff” lying all around everywhere until it all builds back up again. So what’s my solution? First I’m training myself to put things away when I’m done with them. My mother really should have taken more time to hammer this into me as a kiddo because it’s a harder habit to develop now :p But I’ve been working with the kids on it. I’ve at least gotten more regular about having them straighten up.

Another strategy is to have an “inbox area” where paperwork and the like goes until I can go through it. This is done regularly (every Friday for me, when I update our family’s ledger and track bill paying and such). I’ll write more about managing this area in another post.

And yet another aspect has been identifying a place for things that makes sense as I organize. I.E. I need to store things near where they’re used – so I can get to them and put them away easily.

Diligence is of course an important component too. I have to keep at it. It’s a continual thing. My house is always going to move towards chaos and if I don’t keep on top of it relatively well it’s going to overrun me again.

After awhile plans like these can get turned into habits – as you train yourself (and also teach your children so they don’t have to battle to create the habit in their adult life).

Of course some things, like those muddy kids, are going to go to chaos before you get a chance to blink, regardless of your well-laid plans. In that case just plop them in the tub and rest assured that the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics is alive and well in your world today :p

I wish that I could say that I’ve come to a place in my mothering where I’m not effected by feelings of failure but I can’t. In fact, right now I’m dealing with a major one. Feeling like I had a moment of weakness, stress, and frustration. And in that moment I made a choice, which I now think was an idiotic choice. And I’m going to have pay the price for years and years. And it hurts. Especially because it’s something I feel so strongly over, and it involves my children – the ones I’m supposed to be able to protect.

I should be doing another write up on the Pink Kit, because Scott and I worked through another video section the night before last. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it yesterday, and I don’t want to right now. Everything at the forefront of my mind is getting in the way. Fears, feelings of failure, mounting feelings of frustration.

It’s times like this that I find lists helpful. Specific lists of what I need to do to relieve the frustration – usually that is somewhat straightforward. Identify what is frustrating you (a disgusting bathroom, an unfinished project, whining children, etc.), and then identify a solution. Even if it involves several steps, writing them down and beginning to act upon them can ease the frustration.

But feelings of failure are much harder to tackle. They often bring frustration too, because you feel like you can’t deal with the results of your perceived failure. Notice I said “perceived” – you may not have actually failed as you feel you did. But if you feel it, it can be hard to overcome it. No matter what well-meaning friends say to comfort you.

Often this feeling can paralyze you – which is one thing you shouldn’t let it do. And I’m trying not to. Again a list (or a schedule) is helpful, because even as you are feeling bad you can lean on the list or schedule and let it tell you what needs to be done. Even things as simple as eating can get to feel overwhelming so it’s good to rely on routine.

Don’t let your feelings immobilize you and prevent you from living your life and taking care of yourself (and your family). As you lean on simple to-do lists and daily routines you can begin to work through your feelings. Sometimes talking it through with someone does help. You realize that your feelings were unfounded, or the issue is something you can now overcome.

Other times it just takes time to come to peace and acceptance and pick up and start from where you are – not lament the choices you made in the past. All mothers have feelings of failure and guilt at some point.

As for me, I’m not sure how close I can be to peace about this issue, no matter how much I’m able to lie to other people about being ok with it. It’s just something I need to work through and at this point I think it’s going to take a lot of time. I’m grateful for routines that can carry me through the day, and simple things like reading books with them that make my children happy – so I can keep everyone taken care of even while I figure out the hurt inside.